I fought the plague and the plague won.

 

On Monday I started writing a new blog entry on the nature of the hotdog in Korea, the wonders of Costco, and how horrified Rachel’s sister in-law Doron would be at how delicious I found their all pork hot dogs. 

Then I got really sick. 

Now I had been writing for a while that I was getting worried about getting sick with the lack of medical insurance.  Well, I got really sick.  On Tuesday morning, I woke up in terrible pain, feeling weak, coughing, and terrible pain behind my eyes.  As it turns out I had Bronchitis.  Company policy says that I have to go to the hospital first before I can officially call a day off from work, because I need documentation.  As many of you know read readers, I still do not have any medical insurance.  So I went to work, miserable, dizzy and in pain. 

I finally went down to my boss’s office to ask if there was some over the counter medication that I could take.  My boss took one look at me and ordered the school’s financial officer, and our school’s translator secretary to take me to the hospital.  With this help I was able to get in to see a doctor and get some medication.  I was even given 3 whole hours off from work to rest.  Yes, I did have to come back later than day and teach.  With a bag filled with pills and cough medicine, I was shaking and a little loopy, but I managed to get through the day. 

The next day was better, I still felt bad but nowhere near what it was the day before.  Now if the story ended there it would be fine, but stick with me, it gets worse.  By Thursday my cough was mostly gone, and the head pain was completely gone.  But I had horrible lower back pain, with waves of pain shooting down my leg.  To make matters worse, my nose started running.  I purchased some small pillows from the local store and did a lot of painful stretching. 

By Saturday morning the pain is gone, but my sinuses have swollen to painful levels, and I can no longer breather via my nostrils.  To make matters worse I have started to get a sore throat too.  I have yet to have a really good night of sleep in 4 days.  As I type these words, dear readers I have a new bag filled with sinus medicine, a bottle of orange juice, and the hope that I will start feeling better sometime before this 3 day long weekend.  Else this is going to be a very sad waste of free days. 

Why does that dog have a green butt

During my time here, both before and presently, many foreigners are struck by many of the unusual things that the locals do.  This week I think I’m going to dedicate a whole entry on the strange things that the locals obsess over, the good, bad, and what the hell is wrong with you. 

The Bad

Healthcare:  I can hear some of my readers now.  “But Jack, you have always said really good things about the healthcare in Korea”.  That is true; however things are different this time around.  With as many disastrous blunders we have had to face with the administration, we have yet to receive our alien cards.  We did try to get over to the immigration office last week, so that way we could get our fingerprints taken and the next step could begin.  We were driven there by one of the cooperate reps for our school.  One very long, very boring, 50 minute car ride later we turned right back around.  On a typical day the line at the immigration office is something akin to a food line from the Charlton Heston film Solyent Green.  So long story short, we still have no health insurance in a country that is obsessed with going to the hospital.  Both Rachel and I have been getting sick with different types of bugs that not only come from the kids (whom refuse to cover their mouths when they cough), but also the changing seasons.  There has been a Technicolored rainbow of green, brown, and yellow oozing out of various facial orifices.  We’re getting better, but there is little more we can do other than wait and drink plenty of fluids. 

Shopping outside the big box stores:  Now I love looking at all sorts of things around the city.  I especially love window shopping for stuff.  So what’s the problem?  Well let me first start off by explaining a short story about undercover police officers.  This has absolutely nothing to do with Korea, but stick with me.  So if a cop is trying to hide in public from people who are looking for cops, they’ll stop somewhere at a street stall and have a hotdog, falafel, or what have you.  Then they are no longer someone who is looking at that building, but someone grabbing a snack.  My point is how people look at someone and their whole perception changes based on what they are doing and who they are with.  Rachel and I went into this local bazzar and were constantly accosted by women behind counters to buy stuff.  I recalled how this never happened to me when I was alone.  That’s when it hit me.  They see Rachel and me, together.  So obviously sell the pretty baubles to the lady, while making eye contact with the guy.  A man alone is nothing special, but a man with a young pretty lady next to him is a prime target for selling shiny things.

Coffee:  It isn’t bad, it’s just damned expensive.  I always thought it was funny when the beer is nearly half the cost of a cup of coffee.  Coffee bars, cafes, and other desert shops are everywhere serving the mighty java bean.  The cheapest and best comes from McDonalds, but it still only a drop in the pond to my endless coffee craving.  Your average large coffee costs somewhere between $4-5.  Just for comparison the average 2lt of beer costs somewhere around $3.50. 

The Good

Cheap Beer: It’s everywhere!  Even in movie theaters and spas. 

Steak is a luxury here to the point where your average $20 steak will probably cost somewhere around $50 here.  Now people aren’t going to pay that amount of money just for a steak.  Discounts will be given for wine, free non-alcoholic drinks, extra appetizers, and so on.  This weekend had several experiments with beef.  Two places in particular are VIPS and Outback.  Yes, the same place that could mess up a hamburger does really amazing steaks. Now VIPS is a buffet place that includes Caesar salad, smoked salmon, and cooked to order pasta, but also a full steak menu.  For any of you dear readers find yourself on this side of the ocean and want to splurge (it cost somewhere around $25 bucks a head to start with), then I highly recommend it.

Wireless internet is everywhere.  Hell the bloody subway cars have free wifi on them.  I mean it would be silly to interrupt my marathon game of Angry Birds for something as trivial as getting on a high speed moving vehicle.  We even just bought ourselves a wireless router for $30.  Now Rachel and I can both be on the internet at the same time.  But I have never seen internet so widely available.  It helps that there is a café every 20 feet or so that sells delicious coffee and pastries, but I can manage to get a signal anywhere I want.  

Spas are a wonderful thing.  As my last entry mentioned the wonderful time that Rachel and I had at the spa, I have begun to see how addictive it is.  Rachel and I had yet another pleasant afternoon sitting in massage chairs, reading in oxygen rooms, and catching a quick nap, before soaking our tired muscles in a warm pool.  Upon further investigation, this place that we have been going to even has an outdoor area, and yes it is nude.  There is something strangely appealing about relaxing in warm outdoor saunas and warm water with the sun on your face.  They fully expect people to spend hours and hours inside these places.  The counter in the locker room is fully stocked with tooth brushes, deodorant, shampoo, and anything else that I might need.  This is not including the complementary lotions, and colognes.  I may start getting up earlier for work.  

The Weird

As the title of the entry may suggest there is something involving dogs.  Specifically there is a trend here to decorate your dog sized rodent, with multi colored dyes.  The bushy tail of a cute little puppy is magically transformed into a neon pom-pom, ready to cheer your pet’s urinating on the sidewalk.  If it stopped there I wouldn’t find much room to talk though.  But these animals that already have hair styles that Lady Gaga wouldn’t touch with a 10ft stick are then clothes in hoodies, jackets, and sports jerseys, with matching tennis shoes. 

Couple’s drinks:  I know it may sound strange to some of you, but there is some strange obsession of the locals to order the same drinks all around.  If say I want to drink a beer and Rachel wants a coke, we somehow end up getting two cherry drinks…  When we got our waiter back we explained the situation again.  They looked confused and much stressed.  We then got a couple of cokes and two glasses of beer.  Well maybe that isn’t all bad. 

Everybody’s workin’ for the Weekend

When last we left our heroes, they were complaining about how boring everything was.  Well this weekend was a little different. 

With the Hunger Games finally having come out here Korea side, Rachel and I decided to venture to our local CGC cinema megaplex and IMAX Theater.  For those of you not in Korea land, this was a very simple process with more obstacles than we would have thought.  Firstly, tickets are done via an ATM style ticket window, and yes there was the option to make selections in English.  We could procure our tickets, soda, popcorn, and reserve our seats all with the touch of the screen.  Now that may sound simple, but then it came time to pay.  Apparently we couldn’t pay in cash because something was wrong, and we couldn’t pay with a card because of something else.  Finally after much confusion and headache we discovered that the machine we were working with didn’t have a credit card slot, and (I think) we couldn’t pay in cash because we don’t have LOTTE card.  But we eventually made it inside and sat down to watch the show. 

Now I can already hear the question budding on everyone’s mind.  “You mean they have movies in English?”  Yes, in fact they do.  There were subtitles, but even Rachel said that she forgot about them after a while.  Now the one weird thing about Korean cinema etiquette is that you have to reserve a specific seat ahead of time.  Rachel and I were forced to sit in the second row from the screen, however it wasn’t that bad.  I have to hand it to the architects.  My seat was comfortably positioned so that I could lean back naturally without doing horrible things to my neck.  Oh and the movie was great.  I am thinking of starting up my old routine of visiting the cinema at least once a week for some regular entertainment.  Wrath of the Titans and Conan are on, and the Avengers is on the way. 

Moving on.  Rachel and I have been trying to get into this spa for the last few weeks.  I talked her into it after some explaining and colorful descriptions.  And I must say that it was well worth it.  Korea has a massive spa culture, and these places are frequently visited by people of all ages.  Now this particular place is rather large, and even has an indoor water park near the top floor.  So with our shoes and clothes in lockers, we donned the uniform of the spa.  Yes you heard that correctly.  Every spa here will give you a set of clothes to wear when you enter along with a towel.  Now I was afraid of that they would have some difficulty for someone of my size, but the folks behind the counter came through in fine style.  I’ll admit that I am tempted to steal one of the shirts. 

Once inside there were a few places to go.  Of course, there is gender segregation, but down stairs there is a common area where everyone can grab a snack (or even a full meal), watch some TV played on the giant projector wall, or play some video games at the PC stations.  Along with all the food and fun, there are two activities that are the most popular here, sleep and sweat.  The numerous saunas of different heat, and style were wonderful.  Rachel and I met up and headed for the clay 70 degree Celsius sauna.  Then cooled down in an oxygen room, where I was tempted to take a quick nap (more than a popular activity).  Now I had heard the stories about how some backpackers would travel around Korea going from spa to spa, and I wasn’t sure how pleasant or possible that was until now.  After sweating like mad, it was off to the pools.  Yes they are communal and yes they are nude.  And in the Japanese style there is a place for you to sit and scrub yourself off, then hop inside any of the pools, or to one of the wet saunas.  The strangest thing I saw there was the massage station.  I didn’t have the cash or the time to partake, but I am tempted for next time. 

It was a wonderful day.  It all ended with Papa John’s Pizza (the best pizza in Korea in my O’ so humble opinion), and Mass Effect 3.  Ready to take on Monday…

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I don’t wanna’ go to work. 

Bless me blog for I have sinned 

It has been more than two weeks since my last update… My mother always said that there was a catholic in me somewhere. Time has been going by very slowly.  I am quickly realizing that we are working a great deal of the time.  Even our weekends aren’t a sure thing all the time.  This last Saturday, Rachel and I both had to get up and head on over to the school for makeup classes.  The entire day wasn’t a bust, but it did kill our morning and afternoon. 

The real reason why I haven’t come to talk to you blog is that it has been really very boring.  Without a whole lot of time, contacts, or cash we haven’t really been able to do anything.  Now don’t get me wrong blog, I have had some great fun with a few people, new and old alike.  But it isn’t the same as going on a trip, or adventuring somewhere.  You want specifics?  Well we, Becky and Nancy (one person I knew from Michigan and one new face) all went out for Russian food on Becky’s birthday.  I had never had Russian food before.  A new experience!  And I do have to thank all those years with my brother were he listened to Russian language tapes in his old truck.  I allowed me to at least say thanks to the waiter.  After successfully finding a chocolate cake, did we realize that we didn’t have any plates of silverware.  However with my trusty improvisation skills I managed to cut apart the cardboard box for plates and steal some Baskin Robbins sample spoons, and did we manage to enjoy a small portion of the cake before passing off to German business students (who accepted our most vehement assurances that the cake was not poison).   

After weeks of trying to see Liz and Andy again we were finally able to meet up again.  One of the biggest obstacles to meeting up is the subject of my next topic: Getting sick in Korea.  As of today we have not yet received our alien registration cards.  That means no legal status, no national insurance, and no state ID.  So when I told boss that I wasn’t feeling well, but not sick enough to miss class (A very rare thing on this side of the world.  You would practically have to have limbs missing for that to happen), my boss responded with “why don’t you just go to the hospital and get some medicine”, slowly realizing the futility of that suggestion.  In a more than generous gesture, my boss offered to buy me some medicine.  An hour later I had a small box of bills with good instructions, a bottle of Chinese herbal stuff that I shall now refer to as hoodoo.  The hoodoo smelled something like celery, honey, and dirt.  I know it may be difficult to fathom those three flavors working in concert, but they found a way.  Swallowed a pill, chugged a bottle of hoodoo, and somehow 10 minutes later, I’m feeling a lot better.  I don’t care if was a placebo or not, but the hoodoo worked.  After that I was ready to face the music of my classroom. 

Now over the past few days and weeks Rachel and I have amassed a few interesting stories about our classes, and our students.  Rachel tells me funny stories about how she managed to teach her class the Vulcan hand sign and “Live long and prosper”.  I know she is amazing, isn’t she?  Later on she tells me that she had a writing exercise about musical instruments for a mid level class.  What follows is a series of questions and answers that I can only describe as epic. 

Question: What is your favorite musical instrument?

Answer: A cannon

Question: Why do you like it?

Answer: It is powerful. 

Question: Do you play this instrument?

Answer: I will!

Question: What musical family does this instrument belong to?

Answer: North Korea

Question:  Where is this instrument played/ where do you play it? 

Answer: North Korea

On a side note another student answered similarly but with nuclear bomb instead of cannon.  

Now some of this can be chalked up to simply being silly, but it can go both ways.  In one of my more advanced classes, we somehow got on the topic of fast food and health.  One student started talking about chicken nuggets and I could tell that he was trying to explain the process of mechanical separation.  Now, I could tell where he was going with it, and the class way trying their best to stay English only.  So I took it upon myself to finish the explanation.  First, I had to explain “wood chipper” to the students.  They picked it up quickly, but still had a look of confusion as to why I was talking about wood chips, when we were just talking about fast food.  Now with phantom miming and sound effects included, I then demonstrated how chicken nuggets are made and what relationship they had with a “wood chipper”.  The expression that the students gave me back was priceless.  Rachel’s expression when I told her about this was priceless.  And before anyone has anything else to say about this, keep in mind that there is a Korean dish called “Fish cake” which is the ground up bones of fish and then fried.  My students then said that they didn’t like that food either.  So, I scored another point for Morgan Spurlock.  

Anywho not much else is really happening at the moment.  We will be getting paid soon (I hope) and then we will have more stories to tell, but for now blog please forgive me for not spending the time with you that you deserve.  I know that I have a responsibility to honor and keep you, but aside from some of the students it has been really boring.