Drinks all around!

So I proposed to Rachel last Sunday. 

Now many of you that know us are aware that we have been together a long time, and that it was only a matter of time before we got married.  I had the same thought.  Before I get into the whole story about the ring, the proposal, and so on and so forth, I would like to refer you, dear reader, to the FAQ section of the blog. 

No, we are not going to have a ceremony in Korea.

Yes, we are going to come back to the States for the wedding. 

No, we have no plans yet as to what, how, when, or other wedding arrangements. 

Yes, you are invited (I refer this to close to kith and kin and not you casual reader, sorry). 

Yes, congratulations are appreciated, but please do not send, post, or give anything until we get back to the States. 

No, we are not entertaining any questions about future offspring, and such questions will be met with snarky responses including but not limited to: references to cloning, crazy cat lady starter packs, or insisting on bizarre names (Example: Cuddles McKill Strike).  You have been warned. 

No, this is not a shotgun wedding. 

Yes, we will be keeping people posted as to details. 

That being said, what follows are some of the more amusing things that happened leading up to the proposal. 

After notifying a number of our closest family members, we learned that most of the people that we talked to weren’t too surprised that we are engaged.  Weird.  Well O.K. it isn’t that weird.  I had been thinking about it for a while.  I had, in point of fact, been squirreling away money for some time.

Now I had originally planned to pop the question, so to speak, at the start of the fall term of our school.  With the summer break upon us I decided that I had the means and opportunity to get the ring.  On the pretext of going for one of my long, long walks downtown, I went through Seoul’s massive street markets.  Insadong and Myeongdong are two such areas near downtown that offer a wide range of art pieces, knick knacks, and of course jewelry.  There being so much out there, it was difficult to find a place that was accommodating to the strange bald man looking at the expensive shiny things.

Several months back (nearly a year ago, thinking upon it now) Rachel’s Uncle Adam came to visit us.  One of the places that we went during his visit was Myeongdong market, and coincidently we went looking through a few jewelry stores.  Now this is not a small place that has one or two jewelry stands.  This is a massive place.  So, in all the gin joints in all the world, I ended up back at the same jewelry shop that Rachel, Adam, and I had gone to, except now I was looking at rings.  Now I wouldn’t say that the old woman and middle aged man behind the counter were uncomfortable when I was looking around, but for some inexplicable reason, the man’s English got 10 times better when he figured out that I was a serious customer.  What was amazing was how timid he was about quoting prices (you are having a thought… and the answer is not important), but this being something special, I told him several times that we could do better when he showed me the cheapest ones.  As I’ve mentioned before, jewelry made from precious metals here is sold based on the price of the metals and stones in question, so if the price of gold is very high, a piece of jewelry could cost more a week later.  Fortunately for me the price of gold was very low at the time. 

So I have the ring, which was the easy part.  Now how to give it?  After hiding it among the scarves and winter gloves in the closet (it is bloody hot here), I started plotting and planning how to deliver it.  It didn’t help the fact that I hinted that I was planning something, figuring that I could throw her off any possible missteps on my part by assuming an alternate agenda.  This was fortunate; because Rachel knew something was up and even suggested that it was for a proposal.  I masterfully deflected suspicion by offering an alternate explanation- that I was getting her a teddy bear.  This was in fact all part of the plan, as I did have a teddy bear, with the ring tied around its neck.   One of the problems with being on vacation is that you start looking for things to do and places to go.  So while I was biding my time with Frodo Bearington, most of the nice restaurants that I had thought of taking her to were being crossed off the list one by one.  After Saturday night I made the conclusion that I was just going to have to wrap it all up into a weeklong bow. 

So on Sunday afternoon, after getting something to eat in the Shinsegae department store, sitting down with some after lunch coffee, waiting for our seats for the new movie Snowpiercer, I gave Rachel the bear.  I felt a little amused as she didn’t notice the ring for several moments, instead choosing to hug the bear close, telling me how much she loved it.  All the while I was suggesting that she should look at the bow more closely. 

Well you can imagine her reaction. 

The rest of the day was filled with long conversations about who do we call, what sorts of things we should include in this blog, and so on and so forth. 

I suppose there are several things that this blog is announcing then.  Not just our engagement, but also the fact that we are planning on coming back to the United States by next year. 

Anywho, thank you all very much for reading through something that has very little to do with Seoul, Korea, or other more culturally germane things, but is of monumental importance to me. 

In closing, I think it appropriate to be somewhat sappy. 

I love you Rachel (soon to be Koehler).   

A Brief Overlook

It has been a long time, my old blog. While I have a multitude of excuses about why I abandoned my blog for such a long time, the one that is the most germane to the story is the one that you will be reading here today. I have been cheating…on my blog…with other writing. At the office, at home, on the couch, in the kitchen, I have been cheating on my poor long suffering blog with so many other writing projects. I know that a lot of it is the relationship that I have with my job. I have been writing, organizing, and planning so much for the school that most of my energy to sit and write down the numerous ridiculous experiences that have brought smiles to our faces has left me. The other is my next nerdy, fantasy role-playing epic (That is still nowhere near ready to play yet, so don’t ask) that I have been able to pour more detail and history into than I had ever thought possible.

For now it is time for Jack to get back to his responsibilities and overlook the calling of those other projects. I sit here now, with a mug of tea in my hand instead of a glass of beer, prepared to do some serious writing.

All work and no play make Jack a dull boy…

April

When last we left, we were working at the temporary office in the now famous Gangnam district. We have added several new members to the staff since then. I now have to make a formal apology. In some of my older posts, I made certain allegations about people from Iowa. At the time, I thought it extremely unlikely that I would ever run into someone from there. Like anyone whom has dared fate to make an example of them, our newest teacher hails from the field of dreams itself. So to all the people of Iowa, I apologize. Idaho on the other hand, your state is terrible, filled with potatoes and you should all feel ashamed of yourselves.

Moraine is bright, cheery, energetic, and kind hearted; basically she is perfect for dealing with children. It was an odd few days seeing her occupy the former desk of Not Dr. House, but so far all has worked out well. During that week, we began the move into the new building.

All of us have been quite excited about moving for some time, especially since our opening date kept approaching then being pushed back, approaching, then getting pushed back. It has been frightening to me just how much influence I appear to have been wielding. As I have mentioned before, most of the legal documents and policy documents have been directly written by me. I also have been having final decisions on so many of the little things such as room names, curriculum, and entrance exams. I admit that I have been rather proud of my room names. I made sure that my room was Nikola Tesla. Rachel couldn’t decide between J.K Rowling and Shakespeare, and ended up with the latter due to luck. Our 5th and last teacher for the season (Stan) complained that he had to be stuck with Queen Elizabeth I, to which I, in the most polite way possible, told him to (comment removed by editor). Moraine was kind enough to rebuke me about to the lack of women I was acknowledging; she was right and I corrected that. So be prepared children to learn about Eleanor Roosevelt, Indira Gandhi, Amelia Earhart, and Marie Curie, amongst others. On a personal aside (as I rarely take the time to say anything seriously social or political), recent news about Nelson Mandela’s condition could very well make this a posthumous acknowledgement, but you are one of the greatest people to have graced this world and even though some may think that the world is darker without you, I think that you have made the world so much brighter and that your legacy will continue to shine long after all of us are gone. “People are people through other people.”

May

So we finally made the move to the new school. The place is massive and gorgeous. Empty, but gorgeous. The very fact that it needed an elevator that went from the basement (where the kitchen, gym and auditorium are) to the classrooms all the way on the 4th floor is a refreshing change. Now there have been a few issues along the way. Water leaked from the ground floor right in front of the basement elevator, making it look like liquid had poured out from the elevator. The Gym came complete with a rock wall. Pay no attention to the fact that some of the handholds were not bolted in very tightly and have a tendency to rotate rapidly. It is a novel sensation, being able to walk down the empty halls of the upper floors, imagining all the children running through the halls in their matching uniforms (no seriously, the students are going to have uniforms).

Now, some of the issues with the current working conditions have been rather amusing. One of the best things about this particular building is that it is not in an urban area. As it turns out, the man who built our school owns all the land around it, including a driving range, luxury coffee shop, farms, etc. Consequently, there is a significant amount of nature around our school, like green mountains with rolling mist when it rains and a shallow river with cranes and other small birds just outside the window. It’s gorgeous. Lunch time has been rather amusing. There is one very small local dive within walking distance. For somewhere around 3 weeks, we would head, every day, to the same restaurant and order one of the 4 things on the menu. It got old really fast. Granted it wasn’t half bad grub, but there are only so many pork cutlets that you can eat before you start to go crazy.

One of the key responsibilities that we (I) have been given is administering the entrance exam. Because we are such a well to do school, and cost so much, and because it’s Korea, there has to be a major entrance exam. This is what I have been doing with the majority of my time.

The rest of it was preparation for the summer term. Rachel and I will be the first to admit to having a chip on our shoulder about what we have been doing in this regard. Supplies have been in short…well supply. For some reason no one thought to actually put anything in the building beyond furniture. When Rachel and I started handing in massive lists for the supplies that we would need for a year, the local staff’s eyes popped out of their heads. Have you ever seen what you need to run a kindergarten classroom for a year? It isn’t cheap. We spent several weeks trying to explain how EVERYTHING that we asked for was needed, and even if it doesn’t get used in the first few weeks, it will get used eventually. As time went on and nothing was getting purchased, Rachel and I did the only thing we could. We bought a ton of stuff ourselves and saved the receipts. I’ll admit that Rachel has been much more practical, organized, and efficient than I have been.

Monday

This is not this Monday, but a Monday. We finally opened the doors to the school. The kindergarten had its grand total of ONE kid. He is an energetic, dinosaur obsessed 4 year old. We named him Rex, but I think he’s going to get renamed either Thomas or James…if you have any relationship with young children, you’ll see the train reference I am sure. So far he has been an adorable kid, whom has a rather healthy obsession with dinosaurs. Now there have been a few problems, chiefly the fact that he is a 4 year old. He is still in the “I am actually the center of the world” phase.

Now our little dinosaur obsessed student, who can’t actually wipe his own bottom yet (Rachel and I both had the same Aw Hell naw reaction to that fact), was given to Rachel to teach. And just between you and me, she has been doing a helluva job. I help out where and when I can. I set up the gym full of fun activities for him to play around with. I keep busy though, when not helping out with either Rachel’s or any of the other students. Lunch has been a big surprise. Every day, we get a snack around 9:30am or so. Sometimes it’s some kimbop (basically, something like sushi), other times it’s something like fried mashed potato balls. We even got pancakes once, a good day. Lunch has been a wonderfully balanced meal. Usually it’s rice, some kind of protein, kimchi, and a fruit of some kind. The first day we had a pretty good penne with meat sauce. I’ll admit that first lunch set the bar pretty high. We have had several good lunches since. More often than not it is something very local, but on occasion we have something foreign that isn’t half bad.

Thursday

Why does the gourmet coffee machine break down so often? Well, it doesn’t actually break down. It just takes too long to get working once it’s turned on. It just doesn’t want to work! Sometimes it just spits out water. It makes no sense.

I have been wandering the empty halls for some time now. I try and write important documents. Since students have come to school, the silence has been deafening. I just sit in my empty room waiting for something…anything…

(It isn’t that bad but just go along with it)

I help out where I can, but it gets boring…so very boring.

Monday

Danny! Danny Boy! It’s been raining for so long…nearly every day for 2 weeks now.

11:30AM

Why is this blog still going on? Isn’t the joke dead by now?

Off to Ever Everland

As some of you may or may not know, Rachel and I are big fans of the show Once Upon a Time.  It’s a modern fairy tale show on ABC, and the second season’s finale (which just aired last week) made several references to Peter Pan. 

If you are at all interested, dear reader, I would suggest looking it up.  And if you are also interested there is a spin off that I am rather excited about, which involves Wonderland.  Feel free to take a look. 

Now what does this have to do with Korea?  With a day off from work, Rachel and I decided to take a risk and head to Korea’s (quite good) knock off of Disneyland called Everland. 

I love theme parks.  I know that they are overhyped, overpriced, and where I usually can’t get to them, but I have one thing to say about that…Shush!  There is a common belief that people who collect toys, play games, or do other such activities are trying to get back in touch with their childhoods.  I disagree.  I never lost it.  I don’t think that I ever lost that childlike appreciation of play or enjoyment of fantasy.  Just like when I was at Universal Studios Osaka, I may have been too big for a number of the rides, but my smile never left my face. 

Everland was a breath of fresh air… literally.  For a place that is all artificial, it was surrounded by green mountains and well decorated with flowers (more on that later).  The park is broken up into several parts.  There is Zooland, Europeland, America Land, Aesop’s Village, and the entry section.  Zooland is a massive zoo with tons of different animals.  The amazing thing was just how close we could get.  Most of the enclosures were open air, so no pesky glass to glare up photos.  We didn’t get the chance to get to the Safari thing, which from what I was able to gather is a bus tour through animal enclosures similar to Jurassic Park, with lions, elephants, and giraffes instead of dinosaurs.   But we did have a lot of fun with the dozens of other animals, and the petting zoo.  Europeland was an interesting mix of mock alpine buildings, expensive beer pavilions, and rose gardens.  

Aesop’s Village was a quaint little place for mostly little kids.  One thing that was fun that we did there was that Rachel and I saw that there was a stand for face painting, temporary tattooing, and hair braiding.  Rachel thought that it would be great fun, and so got a wrap of blue fabric woven into a small braid.  It looks really cute.  Americaland was strangely the smallest and most action packed of the areas.  What was amusing is to see what they included.  A Columbus Viking Boat swing, lots of 1950’s dinners, and cowboy paraphernalia. 

A few things that were quite different from American theme parks were the number of campers and picnickers there were.  Just outside the park entrance is a fairly large market with bottled water, beer, cookies, soda, etc. along with camping equipment.  Seriously, tons of camping equipment was for sale just outside the park.  I didn’t think that I would have ever found a business that expects and encourages camping out before they open the doors.  The park isn’t too far away from us either.  All in all it took little more than an hour or so by train, which went practically to the front gates.  I am sure there are a number of other people that are pondering the same thing I am pondering, but all I need now is a Tuesday or other such day that I can take off and hop the train back and have the park to myself. 

Living in the Bundang

After my last blog, I thought that I might take a moment to reassure everyone that while there may be the occasional weirdo that makes for a great anecdote, my day to day life is far from that weird.  We have been living here in the Bundang area for about 2 months now, and it is such a departure from downtown Seoul that it is worthy of some commentary.  I will, however, be interrupting the sections with occasional bizarre observations that I have made.  There will be no rhyme or reason to why they are where they are.  Just so nobody complains about the randomly placed battery man…you’ll see. 

Spring is in full bloom here.  The weather has warmed up and the flowers added a much needed amount of color.  Life has been good.  Bundang is significantly cleaner than downtown.  Now I am a fan of urban decay, but there is something very soothing about wonderfully designed buildings that have employed armies of groundskeepers, complete with posh cafes, bars, and restaurants.  Seriously, some parts of this town feel more like Tampa than anything that I would have thought to find in South Korea.  Just this afternoon Rachel and I were out enjoying the spring sunshine.  We walked along the river (it even has real fish in it), taking in the sweet smells of blooming trees, before enjoying a lovely lunch at a deli.  Let me pause for a moment as to underscore the importance of that last sentence.  A deli is a very rare thing here, and finding one that understands what prosciutto is, is even rarer.  The occasional Subway is not unusual, but I found one that was a treat indeed. 

 

Rachel and I were looking around the local E-Mart for some cheese and wine for our new Monday ritual of TV shows, when suddenly a man in an Energizer Battery suit appeared.  Like any walking mascot that has escaped the department of wacky ideas (located in the basement of Disney), he began entertaining children and trying to appear fun and appealing to kids.  Now I am sure that someone somewhere thought it a good idea, but I am not sure who would have approved this.  I mean, who in their right mind would have thought that a walking battery with a “hey little children, do you want some candy?” smile, was a good idea…other than Not Dr. House…

Where was I?  Rachel and I have been living the good life, a steady supply of good food, peaceful soundings, a leather couch, and even a gym membership.  Did I forget to mention that part?  Yes, Rachel and I have entered yuppy status with our fancy gym memberships, complete with provided workout clothes and spinning classes.  Well, we’re not taking the spinning class, but it was offered.  For about a month now we have been dedicating time every other day to getting healthy.  There are times though, where it almost feels like cheating when I get on the treadmill with the attached TV.  I have been in luck the last few times I have used it, too.  I was able to catch The Shawshank Redemption, X-Men: First Class, and Robin Hood (2010) the last few days that I have gone.  40 minutes on a treadmill seems to go by a lot faster somehow.  It hasn’t been long enough for serious results, but I have noticed minor improvements. 

Have you found Jesus?  That is a question that I did not think I would hear in person since coming here, however since moving down to Bundang, we have been asked it (in one form or another) not once, but twice.  The first time was when I was mailing something at the post office.  A woman approached me while I was standing in line, and began speaking to me in the most broken English that I have yet to hear.  Through the dribble of words I did hear the words “know”, “you”, “Zezus”, and “Christian”.  Now, many of you who know me may be cringing at theoretical responses that I may or may not employ.  The truth is I didn’t have the time or focus for a creative response that would strike fear in her to the 6^th generation, so instead I said I was Jewish and she left me alone.  It’s amazing to me how often that works…The second time, Rachel and I were at home and we had a door to door missionary.  Again, I was denied a snappy comeback because I getting dressed and Rachel had answered the door.  So, she said she was Jewish and he left.  Like I said. 

Going back to gyms and daily living, along with a topic from an earlier blog. I have been continually vexed by clothes shopping.  There have been several moments since we have moved down to Bundang where I thought to myself, “Now...this time will be different”.  It wasn’t.  Our new Mega E-Mart came complete with a Payless Shoes, promising “BIG SIZES”.  It is one thing to not find anything that is even close to your size, and another thing entirely to find things that are just O so too small.  Found shoes around the right size, too narrow.  Found a summer sports jacket, too tight in the sleeves (a down side of going to the gym I guess).  Found new shirts, one size too small…ONE!  The editor would like to add that the same problem has occurred with “women’s shoes”.  Some of the men’s shoes fit, but it makes the editor sad that she cannot find pretty shoes in her size.  It is increasingly vexing that I now have the money and desire to expand and change my wardrobe, but am unable to do so.  Sigh…

I have said to several people that I am not living in North Korea.  For about 30 seconds that came into doubt.  As it turns out, our new apartment has a speaker in it.  One day, around 8:30 in the morning, our speaker came to life and spoke loudly for about 2 minutes.  Now, many of you employing your logic will just say that it was an announcement saying that the water, or elevators, were going to be turned off for a few hours.  However, for the sake of humor, I choose to think that it was state run propaganda, piped directly into our kitchen. 

All in all things have been going so much better than where we were a year ago.  We have a community, comfort, and a colorful, clean area.  I mean, I’m writing this on a leather couch.  A leather couch.  Some things to look forward to in the future include a trip to one of the larger old castles in the country, and a possible trip to Everland (the Korean version of Disneyland). 

Till then dear reader, take care.  

Reader’s discretion advised

The following blog may contain material that may not be suitable for all readers.  This blog may include subject matters that could be offensive, taboo, or otherwise inappropriate for some readers. 

Still reading? 

Right, well what do pedophiles, Dr. Mengele, and being irate over elevator bills have in common?  All three were apparently appropriate school meeting conversation topics for Not Dr. House. 

For those who have not kept up on the current cast of characters our new office, Not Dr. House is an older man whom works with us in the temporary office.  Anybody who talks to him for more than 5 minutes knows that he is a little weird.  Normally, I am perfectly fine with weird.  I have a number of weird friends that I love spending time with.  Not Dr. House is another story. 

There is something odd about conversations with him that makes me either want to run away screaming or take a shower.  The first time, after insulting both Rachel and I, we had a conversation that ended with something like, “Hey don’t take it so personally.  I’m from New York, I’m rude to everybody”.  Knowing some wonderful people from New York, I don’t buy it. 

Now what all this has to do with the question above should start to become apparent. 

Something that is both a great thing and the main source of this blog is that somehow I have been promoted to one of two academic coordinators for the school.   (How that happened, I have no idea)  I have also been given a number of tasks that are quite important, such as developing the standard employment contract for the foreign staff (Yes, a lawyer read and is currently checking it since I finished) and developing the pre-assessment/ entrance exam interviews,  among a few other projects. 

Wishing for some measure of co-operative consensus, I sought advice, pointers, and suggestions from my colleagues.  This is where we will be turning from day to day work to “Oh dear god, what did I just hear?”   I am not sure exactly how this happened, but what started as a professional meeting between peers about details in the latest draft of the contract, de-evolved into an anecdote about some weird guy that Not Dr. House knew that turned out to be a pedophile.  Now what in the name of Zeus’s butthole that had to do with the discussion at hand?  I have no clue…

Now in the last few blogs, I have spoken very highly about our handler, Mr. Yang.  It was when Not Dr. House snapped at him, that I about lost it.  The background for this has to do with the flip side of our new apartment, utilities.  A larger apartment, in a wealthier area, means that we have to pay a little more for utilities.  This was expected and Rachel and I are happy to pay.  Not Dr. House  wasn’t.  I have had a number of conversations with him before about “Antique Pawn Show” (a cross between Antique Road Show {A show that we don’t have access to} and Pawn Stars {a show that we do have access to}).  We would laugh and talk about some of the things that we had seen the night before (when you only have 6 or so channels that are English dedicated, you tend to stay on those channels, and The History Channel is one of them).  When Not Dr. House got his utility bill, you would have thought that someone in a black ski mask had dropped off his TV at gunpoint and forced him to use it.  The part of his bill that got the most of this rage was his apartment maintenance fee, for maintaining things such as elevators, security guards, and janitors.  This rage was then directed towards Mr. Yang.  Now I have written about Mr. Yang before and just about everybody came to his defense.  Don’t mess with Mr. Yang, man.  He has backup. 

After that rebuke, there was a period of relative calm.  Then we had another Zeus’s butthole moment.  One of my tasks was to develop a 1^st draft of a curriculum presentation.  Along with that was the need for developing pre-assessment tools and entrance exams.  I have been very busy at work.  I also digress.   Again, wishing for some collaboration, I asked for some help from the rest of the staff.  Somewhere, somehow, the meeting went from “that question is too difficult for a kindergartener” to “Dr. Mengele did XYZ with twins”…This transition from Not Dr. House was seamless and was overall very awkward. 

When confronted, Not Dr. House acted as though nothing was out of the ordinary, and that it is perfectly normal to transition from children’s assessments to Godwin’s Law. 

Now I had originally planned a different ending to this blog, but since starting it, Not Dr. House has been canceled midseason.  It was one outburst too many when, after being informed that we will need to come in a couple hours earlier than we have been (we have been getting in to work at about 10am for the past while, rather than 8am like we would during normal teaching hours), our lunch out with the boss became a one man version of the never before seen Broadway show Not Dr. House  and Mr. Childish.  Not Dr. House was something like a child who was pouting because he has to take a nap.  Rachel and I left before the worst of the foot stomping/temper tantrum, but it was apparently severe enough for my boss and several of my co-workers to come to the conclusion that Not Dr. House had jumped the shark. 

Things are hardly quiet now.  We are staying busy, and more teachers are on their way.  For the moment we have a presentation, summer term, student interviews and the premier of the new Star Trek movie to look forward to.  As much as this blog is about the train wreck that was my former co-worker’s stay, things have remained pleasant here.  In fact, I think things have stayed pretty good.  More about the good times to come.  

Keep Calm and Carry On

I have been avoiding writing about this.  After publishing this, I will either eat these words, or they will be just one more marker about how pathetic the whole affair is.  Naturally, I hope that it will be the latter.  Like I was saying, as anyone who has been watching the news can see, our neighbor to the north has been saying and doing some rather loud and obnoxious things.  I know that many of you back home are wondering how we are doing and I have spoken to many of you already.  However, I think it high time that I post something publicly, given the latest events that have happened both internationally and personally. 

We’re fine and I am not afraid. 

That’s about as plainly as I can say it, and there are a lot of reasons why.  Before I get into that, here is a short summary of everything that has been happening.  North Korea’s newest head of the party Kim Jung Un (no, he isn’t the head of state, that honor is reserved for Kim Il Sun, his long dead grandfather…yes their head of state is a dead man) has been stirring up trouble by conducting an underground nuclear test, launching a long range missile, declaring the armistice (there was no peace treaty) between the South and themselves null and void, and just yesterday told both the foreign missions in their own borders and the expats living in South Korea to get out of dodge by the 10^th.  Basically, they have done everything short of actually massing troops at the border to prepare for war.  I am not worried, and neither are most of the locals. 

Things have been escalating for a long time since Kim Jung Il died.  Not to say that things were pink butterflies and rainbows before that, in fact there were 2 major incidents in 2010 including the sinking of a South Korean Ship and the Artillery attack on a border island.  Take a look here for a full list of incidents.  And yet, I am not worried about a war breaking out. 

Is there still a chance of one breaking out?  Sure, but even then I feel perfectly safe here.  Korea is similar to Israel with mandatory military service for all men (I know Israel includes women, while South Korea does not). Sure, the North has virtually every person in their country as a potential member of the military, but remember that they had a recent famine and that South Korea has 3 times the population.  This is not including the 50,000 American forces that are stationed here, and the recent declaration by Japan that they would start deploying forces to be ready for anything. 

Any outbreak of violence will not end with North Koreans doing well in the end.  The only factor that could make this whole situation a lot worse is China.  Should they choose to come in on the side of their traditional ally, then this could be a problem.  However, that seems highly unlikely.  Consider that China even joined in on the most recent round of trade sanctions.  Moreover, China has suffered greatly for the majority of the last century.  Their people are tired and want a measure of stability, and the Chinese government is doing something about it.  This is perhaps the only thing that has prevented the pro-democratic riots from breaking out again since the famous Tiananmen Square Massacre.  Back when President G.W. Bush was looking for easy cash to help finance his tax cuts and the two very expensive wars waged in Iraq and Afghanistan, China was happy to provide support by buying US treasury bonds.  China is heavily invested in the status quo, not only internally, but internationally as well. 

The big question is why are they doing all this?  The simple answer (as I have come to see it) is this, internal North Korean politics.  Kim Jung Un is trying to stir up tension, so that he can look strong and aggressive to the Generals and the party elites.  Not much has gone beyond rhetoric.   

On Monday I heard that one of my last co-workers from Avalon has decided to head home.  This was mostly in response to the North’s decree that all foreigners had get out of the South Korea.  A lot of people are torn up about that, including Emma herself, her students, and many others.  I and the vast majority of others that I know here are staying right where we are. 

For years we have heard empty threat after empty threat.  Most of the locals feel as I do, that the North is using the most powerful weapon that they have, fear.  They have lived under this possibility, with skirmishes happening here and there for nearly 60 years.  This time is no different save one thing.  The North is partially cognizant of how foolish they look. 

Below is a clip of a North Korean expert I found on an Aussie News network, enjoy. 

http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2013/s3727471.htm

The Usual Suspects

With a full week down at the new job, I can safely report that I think we have hit the gold mine.  As I mentioned in the previous post, our apartment is amazing, especially for Korean standards.  Rachel and I thought it appropriate to offer Mr. Yang (our most magnificent handler) a bottle of fine imported liquor.  OK, so it was a bottle of Jack, but yet it’s a luxury here. 

Now, after a week I have gotten a good idea as to the characters that surround us.  Keep in mind that we haven’t started working yet.  What we do have is around 2 months or so to plan and write our curriculum.  So instead of classroom antics or dealing with students, we have settled into something resembling a more traditional office setting.    Allow me to take you on a journey through the cast of characters that make up our office. 

The Man with The Golden Watch:  Our owner, whom we have only seen once, screams money.  What he said was that he wanted the best education that money could buy for his daughter, so like anyone who has too much damn money, he did the most logical thing, and built a goddamn school.  Not that I am complaining, but jeez, talk about pressure.

The Well-Manicured Man:  Below the owner is our man who runs the day to day operations of the business.  Like the owner, he screams money, and style.  Seriously, I envy him for dressing as well as he does.  I am fairly certain that his cufflinks alone cost more than my car.  Clad in his finely tailored suits (no tie), magnificently wavy hair, and more often than not a matching scarf, he screams class.  Even with all his class and cash, he is a really nice guy.  His son is going to school in Boston and he even has a driver’s license from the state of California.  Obviously, communication has not been a problem.   

The Mysterious Mr. Kwan:  In a room off to the side of the main office is our principal.  He looks very stern and gives the impression of someone you do not want to be on the other side of the desk from.  I can’t write too much about him, simply because he doesn’t speak too much.  But from what little we have talked, he is supportive and understanding. 

The Good Witch of the South:  As many people who have kept up with our experiences here, have some reason to fear for any new boss that we have.  Just to recap, our last boss was a cross between Marie Antoinette, Ms. Trunchbull, and the Wicked Witch of the West.  Justine is very much not any of these. Justine has been very nice, almost too nice.  To go a little further about how different and refreshing this has been, I want to describe a little about leadership styles.  Marie A. was a micro manager.  Everything needed her personal OK and that was rarely given without a casual remark of “Bla bla bla, classu.  Bla  bla bla however.  Bla bla bla floppy (comments removed by editor)” Justine on the other hand is more of a “do whatever you need to do” kind of person.  She gave us some tasks and the occasional emails to check and see what we are doing and beyond that has left us alone to do what we need to do.  Overall, she has been a wonderful manager. 

Not Dr. House:  NDH is far too complicated isn’t it?  Well let’s just call him Jerry then.  Jerry is an older man, and quite the character.  He has been having quite a bit of trouble sleeping over the last week, and has started to show signs of sleep insanity.  No, I’m not kidding.  It was when he mentioned that he had a stock pile of sleeping pills and may start mixing them with a large amount of beer, was when I started getting really worried.  It wasn’t so much the joke about suicide, as it was the question I had in my mind as to why someone would have a stock pile of sleeping pills.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice guy, but even as he said himself, he isn’t very good at small talk.  Basically, he is the teaching equivalent of a computer geek.  He does teaching, and that’s about it. 

Mr. Lorre: The last of the teachers (for the moment) in our cast is a quiet guy whom is more than a little socially awkward.  He is very well dressed, except for his jackets being just a little too small.  I know because he never takes the things off during the day.  He’s from San Diego, so he gets cold very easily.  I admit to laughing a little when walking down the street with he and Rachel, and I feel very comfortable and everyone else is looking very uncomfortable.  I am a terrible person.  (The Editor is scowling at me while I am writing this)  He is very polite, and on occasion suffers quite a bit from people like The Well-Manicured Man.  Case in point what I shall call the Doughnut Incident.   Mr. Lorre mentioned that he thought a girl at the local Dunkin’ Doughnuts was kind of cute.  The Well-Manicured Man suggested that he should go after her.  It turned out that Mr. Lorre had already tried, having found and messaged the Dunkin’ Doughnuts girl on a dating site. She deleted her account the next day.  The Well-Manicured Man then suggested that he should try face to face communication because “You are a man!”  Now, Mr. Lorre was looking increasingly uncomfortable as time went on.  The Well-Manicured Man continued offering to come with him when he talked to the Dunkin’ Doughnuts girl.  In fact, the Well-Manicured Man suggested, everyone from the office could come as some completely non-terrifying, glass fogging, comitatus of wingmen, because “you are a man!”

Well that’s all the news from Korea.  Where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.  

New Beginning

Closing time 
Time for you to go out go out into the world. 
Closing time 
Turn the lights up over every boy and every girl. 
Closing time 
One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer. 
Closing time 
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here. 

…

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

-Closing Time, Semisonic

So the last week of Avalon was one of note.  Things have wrapped up in rather anger inducing ways, and in quite pleasant ways too.  We have met new amazing people and said farewell to others.  Let me start off with one such farewell. 

Nancy is an amazing woman.  She was the person who helped Rachel and I get the jobs that we have today.  During the last week that we were living in Seoul, I said farewell to Nancy.  She is moving on to bigger and better things back home in the states.  But for one night only, we had a night of games, drinks and a small taste of home.  After a fantastic dinner of delicious burgers and craft beers, we moved on to poutine (anyone who does not know what that is, ask anyone from Canada) and blueberry maccoli (a local, super cheap, rice wine).  After several hours and more than a few rounds we moved to one place of particular note. 

The All American Café was a place that was literally a slice of home.  We set up a few card games and I looked over the torn up, greasy, menu.  For a moment I was back in Ypsilanti.  The worn Astroturf was stained with condiments and alcohol, while annoying people talked about crass subjects in obnoxiously loud voices.  I took one look at the menu and ordered a gin martini and a bowl of chili…glorious. 

Now, I have talked about my experiences with cabbies here before, so I left the diner with plenty of time to catch the last train.  Well as it turns out, it was a major holiday here in Korea (the equivalent to Memorial Day – different war, same idea) and the subway shut down an hour earlier than normal.  So, with several bags that I was transferring for Nancy, I grabbed some cash and walked as far away from Itaewon as I could before hailing a cab.  Amazingly, I did not get fleeced.  I got home for under $5 and everything was cool. 

Those last few days at Avalon were something.  Anyone who has taught knows that there is one thing that is unavoidable and very painful.  I was taking over for a few classes until my contract ran up.  One of these classes had one of my favorite students.  His eyes lit up as I came inside.  But when I told him that I was leaving after that one class, his eyes widened further as he took my hand, giving me the expression that a cow gives an oncoming train, asking “why?”  The job may have sucked, but I will miss those kids. 

Alex

Brian

Soo Bin

My entire Santa Maria Class

Almost every DA class that I taught

Jenny

Sally

Sam

You will all be missed. 

As the title suggests, new things came.  We moved once again.  This time though, we were graced with Mr. Yang.  I cannot say enough nice things about this man.  Mr. Yang showed up with a company car and a company credit card.  He shuttled us and everything that we had the 45 minutes to our new apartment.  I want to take a moment from raving about Mr. Yang to rave about our new apartment.  We have more than one room!  I can sit on the couch in the living room (yes, you heard that right) and lose sight of Rachel as she walks down the hallway to the front door.  Large windows let in a tremendous amount of light as I sit down at the table to eat my breakfast. 

OK, back to Mr. Yang.  I had one last day of classes to get to the same day that we moved, so Rachel and Mr. Yang started to finish up.  He and Rachel went shopping for all the necessary things we needed for moving in.  He kept giving us stuff!  After getting Rachel lunch, he insisted on buying a pizza to put into the fridge for when I get back.  He insisted that we needed a microwave and a rice cooker.  He insisted... this is a very new experience for us.  We got him a very expensive bottle of whiskey as a thank you. 

With everything that has happened in the last few days at the new job, I can safely say that things are looking up.  Things are looking very, very up. 

More to come soon.  Until then, stay frosty dear readers.  

F*** Cabbies!

I have talked and raved about how awesome the public transportation system is here.  The subways, the buses, and even the taxis are pretty good.  When I was living in Busan I always carried 20,000 Won (around $19) for emergency cab fare.  That cash would get me anywhere in the city that I could ever want to get to, in no time at all.  After the other night, however, I have come to the conclusion that I need to stay as far away from taxi cabs as I can.  It might just be the fact that I am in Seoul or that I had to get a ride after the subway closed, but no matter the reason it sucked. 

Tyrel, a friend of mine from back in the states, was on his way back to the US from Japan and stopped in Korea for a quick visit. Tyrel, you are an awesome human.  I was at work and Rachel was also a wonderful person and hopped the long train ride to go and pick him up.  After I got out of work, all of us decided that we needed large amounts of food.  Seeing as how none of us really gets the chance to eat western food too often, we elected for hiking out to the foreign section of town for fish and chips, burgers, and a couple of beers.  We ate too much (turns out it was 2 for 1 night on said fish and chips) and had a few very expensive beers.  I get out of work fairly late and the subways run only a little past midnight. This is where we ran into trouble. 

With the subways closed, we needed to get home by cab.  I have had trouble getting a taxi in this part of town before, and this night was no different.  It was bitter cold and we were several hours away on foot.  3 separate cabs drove up to us and asked where we wanted to go, shook their head, and then drove off.  One even went so far as to lock their door when we got close, only to unlock them when a local got close.      

       

After several failures, another cab drove up and asked where we wanted to go.  I told him where, he understood and then demanded (around) $40 to take the three of us.  Now I have made this trip by cab before and it does not cost $40, more like $8.  I looked back at Rachel and Tyrel, then my watch, then the cabbie (let’s call him Niko).  I rolled my eyes realizing that this was probably the best that we were going to get.  That’s when I got scared.  Now I knew that cabbies were a little dangerous, but Niko was insane.

Before I talk about that I wish to describe a particular moment that happened a few weeks back.  Rachel and I were walking home from the store and were standing at the crosswalk waiting for the light to change.  I began to notice that several cars had driven past us in the direction that we were walking.  The light was red, but they were still driving.  This wasn’t something small, such as one or two cars, but more like watching traffic slow down for a moment instead of stop.  We watched as car, car, moped, car, taxi, car, city bus, car, car, truck, city bus, taxi, car, car, drove through the clearly marked red light.  Rachel and I have come to the conclusion that traffic signals here are more of what you would call guidelines rather than actual rules.  Which brings me back to being in the cab with Niko. 

As no doubt some of my younger readers have already concluded, Niko was not what you would call a safe driver.  There was an old game called Crazy Taxi that I am now reminded of.  

Yeah, it was like that.  We were speeding through red lights, yellow lights, turns, curves, and in and out of lanes.  We wandered into a bus lane, and even made a new lane at one point as we squeezed through a small space to make a right hand turn that we really shouldn’t have, given the fact that there was a truck coming. Tyrel was gripping the seat.  Rachel was getting queasy.  And I was making peace with the universe.  The good thing was that we got back to our stop in record time. 

For some of you, who thought that haggling was an option at the beginning, consider that he would have just driven off like the many others before him.  I tried haggling at the end of the trip and he was starting to give me this “you better give me 40 or we are going to throw down” look.  Essentially I got robbed.  It was necessary, but I got robbed.  The moral of the story is this.  If you need to take a cab at night in Seoul, be aware that they can pretty much do whatever they want.  If they want to charge more money they will, and they can get away with it because there are no other options.  Oh, and f*** Cabbies.  

The Desk Against the Dark Arts

I sit at a desk.  It’s a very nice, square thing.  My coffee stained mug sits close to my mouse pad, while my phone is covered up with alphabet flashcards.  I have a little candy jar, appropriately labeled: “Danger” and “Poison” sitting on top of some ESL games for most occasions.  To my left is Emma G.  (the new Emma).  To my right sits nobody. 

            This desk has not always been empty.  Indeed, it has seen many visitors over the course of my time here, but none have stayed long.  It has gotten so bad that I have begun to think that either there is something about my body odor or that the desk is cursed.  To my delight however, I am told that I smell great.  Thanks be for a steady cash flow for cologne, deodorant, and after shave lotions.  Since the beginning of this new semester, the desk has had 3 korean teachers come and go.  Consider at the time that I have written this (12/20/12), less than 3 weeks have passed in the semester.  This means that the desk has gone through a new relationship a week. 

            First there was The Man with No Name.  He was a quiet, reserved fellow.  He looked shy, and more than a little nervous sitting at the desk, almost as if he was afraid something would bite him.  He lasted for 2 days before learning that he was required to teach primarily in English.  Next came Hanna.  She was young, bright, and had lived in Melbourne for a few years.  She had personality, a strong smile, and was willing to converse with me.  She lasted 3 days. Finally I come to Jenny.  I am not sure what to say about her because she was gone within 2 hours of sitting at the desk.  2 hours! 

            When three things happen in sequence, science tells us that there may be a pattern emerging.  Now, I consider myself a rational person.  I am well educated and read big, important sounding books.  I am analytical and overly critical at times.  So I have come to only one possible conclusion about what is happening.  The desk is cursed.  Magic and sorcery is the only possible explanation.  The Dark Lord desires my neighboring desk and has cursed it until the day he can take that desk for himself.  Either that or the new head teacher is a real hard ass.  But I like magic as an explanation better.  

Revenge of the Blog!

I know that it has been a very, very long time since I have put myself in front of the warm glow of my laptop screen, no doubt leaving many of my good friends and family (Rachel’s included ) thinking that I am dead in a gutter somewhere, or just lazy.  I would like to think that the latter has nothing to do with my delay, but most who know me know that that would be a lie. I am not completely blameless, however.  I do have a small backlog of blogs that will be published in due time, but in the meantime allow me  to detail the very awkward 2 months that has been my life. 

When last we left our heroes, we were in the process of moving from one apartment to another.  Our lease was for some mysterious reason only 9 months long.  Even several weeks after the move, I am not sure if it was worth all the confusion and anguish that it caused.  Don’t get me wrong, our new place has its nice qualities.  It isn’t a coffin shaped rat hole, nor does it have a strange musty odor to it.  It’s new, clean, spacious and in its own apartment building in a residential area and not above a KFC.  The good along with the bad were wrapped up together, however.  Now, there are a number of details that I have elected to omit for sake of brevity and frustration.  I had an earlier draft of this particular section of the blog that somehow ended up being deleted or lost. 

Now, our move was one of many.  Indeed, like Alice’s tea party, some jerk in a fancy hat screamed “CHANGE PLACES!” and chaos ensued.  A new teacher was on her way from Scotland, Rachel and I were moving into our new place, and John was moving into a new place as well, a few days later.  Not trusting in the competence of the CEO to give us adequate aid, I took it upon myself to start moving stuff in the night before our last day.  I can only imagine the look on the few locals that were awake that late at night as I made trip after trip down the street, once with luggage, and again with bed sheets filled with pillows like some blending of Santa Clause and a tramp.  With little sleep (and a great deal of preparation for the lack of foresight on the part of my employers) we were moved in with few issues.  We were, however, denied a number of contractually guaranteed comforts such as a TV, a table, or a chair.  You may be thinking, why couldn’t we have just taken the ones from our last apartment?  Well those belonged to that apartment and not us, so no we couldn’t take them.  I just about flipped the table over in my boss’s office when I was denied a chair…A CHAIR!  More often that I would care to admit I have had a facepalm moment as consequence to these events.  An example was when my boss texted me saying “Oh hey, do you know who the Wachowski’s are?”  I said yes.  “Well they’re on channel 10 and it’s a really heartwarming story…” “That sounds nice, I would really like to watch it but as you know I don’t have a TV…” I am not sure if my sarcasm was detected through the text, but the point still stands. 

Moving on, I am sad to report a number of failures to organize all of these moves was not unexpected.  There was even a period of time where we were under the impression that the newest teacher wouldn’t be given a bed on time of her landing.  There is nothing that says welcome to your new home like, I know that you’re jetlagged and probably half –delirious from sleep deprivation, mixed with a little culture shock, but here, sleep on this bare hardwood floor, your bed isn’t going to be here for another 2 weeks.   Fortunately, things worked out for Emma G.  (the Scottish one, not the Canadian one, who is Emma L.).  The landlords had a bed in place (conveniently saving the school’s backside) and she was able to get some sleep that night. 

Time has passed since then and both Rachel and I are thinking about the future.  It may come as no surprise to anyone who has kept abreast of my sojourn here that I have decided not to renew my contract at Avalon.  This whole process, which is still going on at the moment, has left my head shaking.  First it was how I was offered (unofficially I might add) a month long break in between contracts to go home and see my family.  Yes, I turned it down.  Wait! Stop!  Put down the (insert fragile object here)(insert family member’s name here). I have a very good reason.   First, I would get a free ticket home and not Rachel.  Second, I knew that this was a sham, because I know their calendar cycle, and there is no room for a month long holiday period that I could have taken advantage of.  Finally, the place sucked.  My suspicions were confirmed as that offer never made again during our negotiations.  Indeed, much of what you could call negotiations was more of a guilt trip trying to get me to sign on for a few months more. 

It’s not as if this is where I have been spending most of my time these last few weeks or anything.  Since the end of Christmas, I have been working what was called the “Winter Intensive period”.  That basically means that I have been working 10 hour days and been getting less sleep than normal.  The one thing that I was really looking forward to was teaching an introduction to music class.  I thought, cool!  What fun it will be to go over what the difference is between an oboe and a clarinet… seriously I thought this was going to be a lot of fun.  The problem was that my students were far too young to appreciate the material.  Also not being given any support material that worked, like music, was problematic.  I ended up teaching Tchaikovsky via Fantasia and Tiny Toons.  The pleasant parts aside though, this last month has been a very long march of drudgery and constant work.  Homework books have been lost, papers have been lost, and more classes were added.  It has sucked.  

So we are in the process of looking for new gigs.  We have sent out a number of resumes and even heard back from one, but nothing solid yet.  Our fingers are crossed.  I thought that it might be best to get back down to safer and less stressful country, like Busan.  It’s warmer, less stressful, and I have even found my old recruiter from my first job.  I choose to remain hopeful.  On a side note it appears that my talent has not gone unnoticed.  I got a phone call a few days ago from none other than Marie A.  Yes, she’s back in the blog.  She has a new school that she is in charge of (don’t ask me how), and offered me a job.  Yes, that was the same reaction that I had too. 

Right so on to the parts that will have people worried.  First of all as I am writing this I am recovering from a case of stomach flu.  It was a moment of “are you fucking serious?”  when I called my boss, explained what was wrong, told her that I had already been to the doctor, and didn’t think that the risk of vomiting on the students or being covered in offending pools was worth the effort of me coming in to work, and she responded “Are you really sure you can’t come in?  Because I don’t know if I can change the schedule with so little notice.” It is moments like this that made me positive that the whole month off thing was really a sales pitch and not in the real deal.  Sad as it is, as soon as I got better, I passed it along to Rachel.  We’re both fine now, but oh what a fun weekend that was…

For now we are back to the usual routine of getting out late at night and sharing dinner.  I don’t feel nearly as tired as I was, and I have been able to even get some work done on other projects that I have been working on.  Still, we are waiting for more news about where we will be going next, and we will keep you posted out there in the ether.